Book Review - Enriching Intimacy and Sex in Christian Marriages

Enriching Intimacy & Sex In Christian Marriages. By Rev. Alfred G. Nyirenda. Lusaka: Azukristw Educosult Books. 2009. 279 pp. K80.

There is no denying the reality that marriage is under attack in our day. If one looked at the screaming headlines on divorce from our daily newspapers, you will not struggle to accept that we have a big problem on our hands. Sadly, this is not a problem professed Christians are immune to. People outside the church, particularly the female traditional marriage counsellors known as “Alangizi,” contend that Christian teaching on sex falls short of what is the ideal, and that’s why there are many problems among Christian couples around the issue of sex.

In the midst of the prevailing fragility of the marriage institution, a good book on marriage is welcome. There are many titles on marriage that compete for our attention, and this is admittedly a very crowded field. Honestly, some of these titles are not worth the paper they are printed on. To rise above such a crowded field, a book needs to offer something different, something unique, something that makes it stand out from the pack. Rev. Alfred Nyirenda has joined the fray with his new book, Enriching Intimacy and Sex in Christian Marriages. With many years of pastoral experience, and vast experience in premarital and marriage counselling, he is more than qualified to address this subject. What makes this book unique is that is it written with a very Zambian touch, and therefore deals with, and applies the biblical teaching on the subject of intimacy and sex in a very helpful and practically relevant way to our context.     

I remember serving on the committee that was tasked to prepare for the launch of this book eight years ago. The book launch was held on 12^th February, 2010 at Southern Sun Hotel. It was well attended, and the guest of honour was the then Deputy Speaker of the National Assembly, Hon. Mutale Nalumango. 

The book comprises three sections and seventeen chapters which deal with one of the most crucial and delicate subjects in marriage – intimacy and sex. Many marriages have lost their thrill and ecstasy because the initial excitement of the bedroom fellowship has fizzled and grown cold. In the foreword, written by one of the author’s beneficiaries of his marriage counselling, Pastor Conrad Mbewe notes that this book draws our attention to the biblical teaching of marital intimacy. 

In the first five chapters under section one, the author deals with the subject of intimacy -  its aspects, characteristics, how to enrich intimacy and its fruits. In section two, he deals with sex and its enjoyment in marriage, and then points out some of the common enemies of intimacy and sex in marriage and offers solutions to fighting and defeating these enemies. In the last section, he responds to questions on key areas of this subject, first from the husband, followed by the wife, and then the general questions. Some questions answered include those dealing with controversial subjects such as sex toys, oral sex, a woman wearing beads around the waist, etc.

The frank and candid manner with which the author deals with the sensitive and delicate subjects of intimacy and sex, and occasionally spices it up with some humour, makes the book a very helpful read. He is not bashful about calling a spade and spade, and does not recoil from describing the male and female anatomy and erogenous zones in husband and wife. The biblical roots of the book go deeper as the author brings to life the Song of Songs in the marriage context. Who needs the “Alangizi” when the author of marriage, God Himself has given us the blueprint for a satisfying and blissful matrimonial union? Sex is God’s gift to humanity, to be freely and passionately enjoyed in the context of marriage, and the Bible provides us with all the instruction we need for its enjoyment. 

Throughout the book, the author applies the teaching with practical thoughts, reflections and questions for the reader. These are presented in form of rectangular bubbles, with bold and italicised text within each chapter or at the end of the chapter. This makes the book very ideal to read it together as a couple, creating opportunities for communication as each personally responds to these practical questions.    

On the negative side, I wish the author could have been a bit more creative in the titles of the chapters of the book. Chapters Three and Four are entitled “Enriching Intimacy” and “Further Enriching Intimacy,” respectively. And to Chapter Eleven, he gives this title, “Militants against intimacy and sex,” while the next three chapters have the same title, “Militants Continued.” This sounds rather repetitive and unattractive to the reader. He could have also used a simpler, more modern term to describe the enemies of intimacy and sex, than using a term, “militants” from the Puritan era, whose meaning may not be obvious to today’s readers.  

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I recommend this book to couples. It’s a book built on a solid scriptural foundation. Your intimacy and sex life will be enriched as you read it, and you will be amazed at the wisdom of God who created marriage and gave us the gift of sex. You will be grateful to God for providing you with a spouse whom you should treasure for the rest of your life. This book will teach you how sex and romance can bring glory to the One who created them for our enjoyment. This book is also ideal for those involved in marriage counselling. You can use it as a resource to help others struggling in this area.

Book Review - Stand and Sing of Zambia

Stand and Sing of Zambia: Inspiring Patriotism and Responsibility. By Logan C. Nyasulu. Lusaka: LCN Publications. 2016. 86 pp. K100.  

During my primary school days, I do not remember that any teacher explained to us why we always had to sing the national anthem during school assemblies. To me, it was simply a ritual that had been handed down to us by the freedom fighters who fought for our independence. And to make matters worse, as Logan observes, we hardly knew the words we were singing, and no teacher corrected us for parroting the anthem the wrong way. Fifty four years later, I don’t think much has changed with the present generation. Go to any school in one of our compounds, and listen to the pupils sing the national anthem, and you will have a very strong sense of déjà vu.

That’s why Logan’s book must be welcomed wholeheartedly. He has dealt with a topic that must have been at the core of our civic education from kindergarten. Stand and Sing of Zambia is very modest in the number of its pages, but its contents are of sublime value. I loved to sing the national anthem during my primary school days, and I still do. But reading this book, brings nostalgic memories of my childhood. But, O, how I wish I knew even half the reasons why we sang the national anthem and what the words meant!

The title of the book itself evokes immediate memories of familiar words that we parroted for many years. And in five chapters and a short conclusion, the author walks us through our beautiful national anthem. He first explains what a national anthem is, and highlights its place among the citizens of any country. “Every country has one,” although few readers may be aware that Canada actually has two. A national anthem, Logan argues, is an insignia of national identity, national pride and patriotism, and we thank God for our forefathers who ensured that Zambia had one. He then briefly gives us some pieces of history about our national anthem.

In the next four chapters, he takes a closer look at each one of the three stanzas of our anthem and the chorus, analyzing the meaning of each line, and calling us to responsible action as we seek to apply the truths, values and principles found in the words of our anthem. Each chapter follows this same pattern and ends with personal reflections: heart-searching questions intended to buttress the lessons of each chapter, instill new attitudes in us, and revolutionalise our thinking. Be it our work ethic, fostering peace, being proud of our country, acknowledging God’s lordship over our nation, gratitude to God for His rich endowment of this nation with resources, resilience to rise above our problems, etc…all these are noble values and attitudes we are called upon to embrace.  

From these reflections at the end of each chapter, it is immediately discernible what Logan’s real intention is. It’s an intention which is captured in the subtitle of the book, Inspiring Patriotism and Responsibility. This is his passion, and he feels very strongly that Zambians ought to take patriotism very seriously, and not simply be arm-chair critics, but to Stand And Sing of Zambia! He makes this point very succinctly, using the lyrics of our national hymn to make this clarion call.

If you have never taken the time to meditate on the words of our national anthem, then make this book your starting point. Do you know that if there is one theme that resonates throughout our anthem, it is that of unity? And what better time could be more appropriate to have this book on our shelves than this, when Zambia is highly polarised politically and ethnically? We need to be reminded again and again by the refrain that runs through all the three stanzas and the chorus that we must be “All one, strong and free.” 

If we want to build a better Zambia, if we want the next generation to love and cherish this country and take its stand for the good of this country, we are not only to share the gospel with this millennial generation and pray for fruit of faith, but we must also not shirk from our duty to explain our national icons and the rights and responsibilities they impose on us. We need to make sure that we not only inform this generation of the freedoms we have in this country, but also inspire them with these freedoms. When they have grown up, they can only pass down to the next generation what they themselves cherish. Taking the message of this book seriously will help us to lift up Zambia’s fundamental aspirations.

What is more gratifying is that this author is not only calling us to action, but he himself has stepped forward and formed a civic organisation through which he is actualising some of these things he is passionate about. And already, the organisation has been engaged in various community initiatives. He is walking the talk. We need more of such Zambians.    

The author would do well in the successive edition(s), to research a bit more on the background information of the various authors who contributed to our national anthem, and their original contributions which were blended to come up with our anthem. The history given in this book is very scanty. Furthermore, I understand patriotism broadly as speaking out for your country, defending your country, and also sounding an alarm when something is awry. The author seems reticent to sound the alarm. Patriots are critical thinkers who hold leaders accountable by asking tough questions, recognizing the flaws in their nation and offering solutions.  

This is a very good, important and practical little book. Logan’s advice and deep reflections are excellent and those who heed them will be pleased that he wrote this book and that they took the time to read it. I hope that the Ministry of General Education will ensure that this book is added to the list of text books for civic education in our schools.

Book Review - Making The Cut

Making The Cut: A Motivational Book For Young People Everywhere. 

Prof. Kasonde Bowa. 2011. 163 pp. K100.

I didn’t know about this book until August 2014. During the Reformed Family Conference of 2014 at Lusaka Baptist Church, Prof. Kasonde Bowa had set up a table where he was adverting and selling this book. I stopped by the table to take a look at the book, and instantly fell in love with it. I purchased a copy, and also managed to convince the professor to join me on a live phone-in programme on Radio Christian Voice the following day. We discussed the topic, is medical science compatible with the Christian faith?

It was a lively and engaging programme, and the professor excelled on all fronts. His wealth of knowledge and experience was phenomenal. Due to popular demand, I don’t know how many times the radio station repeated the recorded version of that programme within a space of three months. We also talked about his book, what it was all about, and what prompted him to write the book.

Prof. Bowa, is an accomplished Christian medical doctor, professor of urology and founding dean of the school of medicine at the Copperbelt University. Making The Cut is a self-published autobiography that chronicles the life and experiences of the author from his humble birth in a nondescript village of Mwense to his ascendancy to world fame and acclaim. Reading this book reminded me of the autobiography of Vernon Mwaanga, The Extraordinary Life, which I read when I was still in secondary school.  

At a young age, the author has accomplished so much, culminating into an award of recognition in 2004 by the American College of Surgeons as an International Guest Scholar, which is a prestigious award given to promising young surgeons from outside the USA. The author recalls events and experiences with such vividness and clarity that makes the story come alive as if you are watching a movie. There is a warmth, humour, stark realism and honesty in the story – everything is told as it is, warts and all – the pleasant and not so pleasant. Things that some people would be mortified to talk about, he recounts with alacrity and unashamed honesty, whether in his own personal life or the life of his family.

For example, the writer talks about his nocturnal misfortunes in the first three years of his boarding life at Munali Secondary School. He used to wet his bed, not because he had a problem with his blander, but because being young, he was too scared to go outside and use the toilet in the middle of the night from the comfort and safety of his dormitory.      

You might be tempted to think that you are reading a work of fiction, but no, this is a true story told from the first-person perspective by a man whose first childhood dream career was to become a writer. The readers like me who predate the millennial generation will recognise many notable and eminent Zambians in the book, some who are still with us today. I phoned one of them recently, and we laughed off the funny incidents narrated in the book. To say that the author is a very accomplished and successful person in his profession is an understatement, but he does not recount this with any sense of pride, but with Christian humility.

Apart from telling the story of the author, the book also gives us a glimpse into rural Zambia in the 1970s, and contrasts that with the urban setting around the same time. As he tells the story, cultural and traditional practices he encountered are set within their context and their rationale explained, and critiqued with present biblical and medical knowledge.

Prof. Bowa wrote the book to motivate young people to pursue the medical profession or any other career, and the book does not fail to do just that. It provides many lessons for the various stages of life, growth and maturation for everyone. It has a glossary (meaning of difficult words) at the end which enhances the reader’s vocabulary. The writer also includes important pictures at the end which accentuate the story of the book. He is not ashamed to extol the shaping influence that the Christian faith had on him from the time he got converted. It was that conversion experience which built in him the passion to pursue the medical profession.

Being a self-published book, it is not lacking on a few shortcomings. There are a number of typos and grammatical mistakes which could have easily been dealt with by a good editor before the book was published.

Speaking personally, this book was a thoroughly enjoyable read. It moved me to praise and gratitude to God for blessing Zambia which such a man whose medical knowledge and skill continues to powerfully impact many lives. I highly recommend this book, and urge parents to buy it for their children, and encourage them to read it. Bookworld and Book Cellar have the book in stock for K100. This is a story celebrating hard work, dedication, discipline and the grace of God. And so far, as I know, Making The Cut is about a life well-lived to the glory of God.